People – The truth interview of the Grolandais Knight –

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The truth interview with the Grolandais knight

People - The truth interview of the Grolandais Knight -

As he prepares to run three major events in Endurance, Serge Nuques has accepted our interview truth. Star system, doping, Toto stories: the Grolandais knight unboxes everything !

The brilliant Chevalier de Groland, the infamous Serge Nuques himself, confided in Moto-Net during an uncompromising truth interview. Star system, personal fortune, highly sophisticated doping products, Toto’s stories and a particularly thorough analysis of Groland geopolitics: the Chevalier does not hesitate to address all aspects of his new status as an international star.

A real moment of intimacy and emotion which perfectly illustrates the radical turning point that the career of this sinister individual has just taken … Interview truth.

Moto-Net: Mr. Nuques hello, please allow me to call you Mr. Nuques ?
Serge Nuques: No, personally I prefer Sire. See Lord !

Moto-Net: Mr. Nuques, what ranking objective have you set for yourself at Le Mans, Bol and Barcelona ?
Serge Nuques: Atomize the competition, ridicule my opponents, crash several times, break equipment and of course injure a few pilots if possible. The goal is of course that the whole Decibels 33 team get angry before the end of the year..

Moto-Net: Mr. Nuques, we remember that you shamefully tampered with your motorcycle during the Moto Tour, with a tank at the back to spray your competitors’ roads and a giant hair dryer at the front to dry it out in front of you (read). Do you think you will use such equipment in Endurance and what doping products will you use? ?
Serge Nuques: It is clear that my two victories in the Dark Dog Moto Tour are not very healthy … Cheating of all kinds, modified rankings and doping products … We must not hide our face: today we are all under the Armstrong diet … we’ll all end up on the moon! For the endurance events to come, the scientists of Groland are on a project of toxic Camembert with avian flu residues … A miracle product that risks changing the color of my feather duster…

Moto-Net: Mr. Nuques, you are the friend of the stars but you would have refused the invitation of Michel Drucker last Sunday, causing immense sadness in your main admirer, Bernadette Chirac, who out of spite tore the poster of you life-size which was enthroned in his room. Why so much hate ?
Serge Nuques: When Michel contacted me, I was in the toilets … Impossible to speak to him because too much noise around me, so I preferred to hang up … and it was while flushing the toilet that I thought about poor Bernadette…

Moto-Net: Mr. Nuques, why did you refuse to replace Thierry Lhermitte in Les Bronzes 3 ?
Serge Nuques: It’s mostly a misunderstanding with the producer of the film, because with my new sponsor Viagra, I could no longer do a scene in a swimsuit….

Moto-Net: Mr. Nuques, are you really going to run for the presidential election of your French neighbors in 2007? Don’t you fear having to give up your Grolandese nationality ?
Serge Nuques: No, there is no risk of losing your Grolandese nationality because there are many Poles who apply … At first, I will concentrate on following the path of a certain Coluche who should have passed … I think in particular that we must restore the law of 220 km / h minimum in the city. Because less time spent on the roads means less time spent breathing pollution !

Moto-Net: Mr. Nuques, we know that you mainly feed on dead rats, dried roots and young Grolandaise girls. Are you planning a special sports diet for this particularly busy year? ?
Serge Nuques: Since the beginning of the year, I have started a new diet based on old dried out … It’s not necessarily better than a little girl, but there is always an effect of surprise when you come across a neck of the neck. plastic femur or a heart battery … It’s a bit like when you find the bean in a Kings cake !

Moto-Net: Monsieur Nuques, what is your favorite Toto story ?
Serge Nuques: On Tuesday afternoon, the teacher said to the children:
– Tomorrow, you will ask your parents for 10 francs and you can do what you want with them. And on Thursday we will discuss what you did with it.
Thursday :
– Dupont, what did you do with your 10F ?
– I bought candies, lady, and I ate them.
– Yes, it must have made you happy, but you haven’t thought about anything else to do with your 10 francs ?
– No Madam.
– Durand, what did you do with your 10F ?
– I bought toys in the morning, and in the afternoon I played with friends.
– It’s good to share my little Durand.
– Toto, your parents gave you money ?
– Yeah, ma’am. Gave me ten bullets.
– What did you do with it ?
– I bought blood sausage ?
– ?
– I ate the blood sausage by pressing on the skin. Then I made an English condom out of it and fucked the good one. Then I shit in the skin and went back to the butcher’s shop. I said: "your blood sausage is all sticky and it smells like shit". The butcher smelled it, and he gave me back my pennies !

Moto-Net: Mr. Nuques, what do you do with all these millions of euros raised over your victories? ?
Serge Nuques: It’s hard to talk about money when you earn millions of euros and next to you there are people who are starving … However, some do not deprive themselves … and they stuff themselves. !

Moto-Net: Monsieur Nuques, to what extent can the concept of epiphenomenal meta-rhetoric that you developed in the 12th century be likened to a hypothesis of subliminal infrastructure in post-colonial neo-clacissism ?
Serge Nuques: What is Colon cancer? It’s very simple, it’s time to turn the page and make way for the Revolution … And Banzaï !

Remarks unfortunately collected by Eric MICHEL

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